Less of self and more of Jesus, more and more each day like Thee; Just to live in full surrender for my Lord who ransomed me. - Wonder
To live for Christ, we must die to self.
The first day of a whole new year.....what could this year possibly hold for me? For my family?
I have no idea but I do know that God is in control, not only of my circumstances but of me. As I continue to mature in my faith I know it's a daily surrendering of my will, my desires, my hopes and dreams. Honestly, I thought I was pretty good at this whole surrendering thing but lately I've noticed I'm not! The cry of my heart is to be more like Jesus and I strive day by day to become more like Him but.... many days I fail miserably!
He has been gently showing me areas of my life I have not totally surrendered to Him. Of course, at first I act shocked that He thinks I haven't given Him complete control but truth is I know I haven't. Unfortunately, one of the biggest areas (struggles) that I see and need to turn over to Him completely is my selfishness. The "what about me" side. I think as our family has grown, the time and energy it takes to care for everyone well has turned me into a whining selfish baby! I HATE that! That's not the mom or wife I want to be! Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with all the responsibility that entails in raising 3 special needs children. My "free time" is limited as is my "own personal space". Someone is always sitting on me, hugging me, touching me, needing me, etc. NOT that that is a bad thing, just suffocating sometimes. Don't get me wrong.... I love my life but when I sit and think too much about how much I give, all I do, blah, blah, blah, I become completely absorbed in my needs....I become whiny!
Another area, is the trust factor. Like with this adoption....I know God has called us to this but I am afraid what if He doesn't provide the finances needed? Instead of trusting, I begin worrying and then trying to plan how we can pay for it. You know, Plan B. I know God has met the financial needs for our adoptions in the past and I've seen Him do it just recently for another blogger, Laura, www.steppingoutoftheboat.blogspot.com so why do I doubt? Total trust can be a really scary thing, but I'm ready.
I endeavor in this new year to truly surrender all of me, my selfishness, my fears and doubts, to the One who loves me still. Less of Lisa and more of Jesus will be my daily mantra propelling me onward and upward to Higher Ground! Hallelujah!