I am ashamed of how my actions don't mirror my words too many times.
I am ashamed that I say I am a follower of Christ but yet don't actually do as He does.
I am ashamed that it's easier to say than to do.
I am ashamed that I let fear stop me from what my heart is telling me to do.
Ashamed that I am not a better representation of the One I love.
Today as the little's and I drove home from worship we were talking and singing when we passed a woman walking alongside the road. The kids didn't see her but I did. She was older, carrying a backpack, and seemed to have a hard time walking (like her feet hurt). As if that wasn't enough to make me stop, it had just started to drizzle. Lisa, Christian that she is, just kept on driving. The Lord was pricking my heart the whole time but I had countless reasons why I couldn't stop. Truth is, they were all based upon one thing....fear. I mean, what if she had a gun in her backpack and tried to hurt me or the children?! What if she is crazy....what if....what if....ad nauseum.
I continued to fight God and my heart and drove another 10 minutes down the road. I was actually in tears fighting Him. Then I finally said something to the kids. "Did you guys see that lady walking along the road? I think she may have needed help but mommy is afraid. What if she is a bad person and hurts us? What do you think mommy should do?" Without hesitation Connor said "we need to help her." I pulled over and prepared to turn the vehicle around when I heard Gabi in the back seating praying for this woman. (Gabriella is the most fearful child I know so I couldn't believe that she was ok with us talking or picking up a complete stranger!) My heart broke, my tears poured down my cheeks and I couldn't get back to the woman fast enough.
When we got back to the spot where I saw her she wasn't there. We drove up and down the road looking but she was nowhere to be found. I'm certain she was helped by a Christian who OBEYED! The kids were so sad that we didn't find her and so was I.
I was sad that I flunked, yet again, God's pricking in my heart.
I am ashamed that I had the opportunity to show Christs' love not only to this woman but to my children and didn't.
I'm ashamed that I allowed insane fears to stop an incredible blessing....hers....and mine.
It's time for me to stop being ashamed and start doing the right things ALL the time.
Even when it's hard.
Even when it's scary.
Even when I don't want too.
Because I KNOW God has my back!!
"...the sheep listen to His voice. He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out. When He has brought out all His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice."