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We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Program for A Rant and Prayer Request....

First, I must share that my heart is hurting. You see, sweet Chrissie Patterson, aka Serbian Sensation, is now dancing with Jesus. This little girl stole my heart the first time I laid eyes on her and we have been praying as a family for her fervently. Please, please pray for the Patterson family during this difficult time.

Second, please keep little Charlie in your prayers. He goes for open heart surgery this Friday. You can see his picture on the left side of my blog and if you click on it you will go to his family's blog. I'm sure Elisabeth would so appreciate hearing that you are praying for him and their family during this time. Thank you!

Now on to my rant... but first a disclaimer.
The following commentary is only my opinion and my feelings. It will be raw. It will be dirty. I am being totally open and transparent here. I am NOT Superwoman and never claimed to be (however, I wouldn't mind looking like her!LOL!) I am just a woman trying to "do" life in such a way that brings glory to my Father and shines of my love for HIM. 


While on vacation we couldn't leave South Carolina without partaking of the delectable goodness of fresh, hot Krispy Kr*me Donuts.  We made the decision to allow the little's to each have a half of a donut. It's been over 8 months since they've had donuts and since we wanted to test the theory of this GF/CF diet making such a difference we thought it was a fair deal. They gobbled up their 1/2 of donut and we didn't see anything amiss. A day or so later they each had another 1/2 of a donut and also were able to eat the coating on their chicken nuggets. Previously, we have been removing all the coating before consumption. Time consuming but worth it!

Life continued on a normal level UNTIL the day we left to come home. Boy, oh boy, I didn't see it coming. As we began packing up early in the morning we were met with resistance and behavioral issues left and right with Connor. Amidst the chaos of packing, a baby wanting held, a toddler jumping and climbing, an autistic daughter not wanting to leave "her beach", and dramatic Gabriella, Connor's issues were dealt with and I'll admit it, I was exasperated. By the time we were loaded in the truck and heading home on our 12 hour drive I (foolishly) thought I'd get some sleep. HA, HA, HA! Connor continued his disobedience for.the.whole.drive.home! UGH! Yes, he was disciplined. Yes, he was talked to. Yes, we prayed for him. Nothing doing. He was on a roll and by the time we pulled into our driveway at 8:00 at night I was beyond exhausted. I'm not going to lie, as we drove I began having a royal pity-party for myself. I was in the back with all the kids and Sean and Ryan were up front so I was in the "thick" of things. I cried, I fumed inside, I prayed, yes, I even yelled at God.

Things had been going so well for quite some time and here we made a decision that threw a wrench into things by giving him wheat and dairy. We knew it would have to work out of his system so we just dug our heels in and encouraged one another with "we'll make it, just hang on." :)

Well, here we are, home for 5 days, and instead of things getting increasingly better they have grew increasingly worse. The old Connor is back and back with a vengeance. The emotions this all evokes in me is overwhelming. The traumatizing year and a half memories are waaayyy too fresh for me and this has caused me to really struggle again. For anyone reading this that does not have a R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) child it might not make much sense but trust me when I say it turns your world upside down! This post is NOT meant to bash Connor. This post is NOT to put Connor in a negative light. Since starting the diet Connor has been a different child. He has done amazingly well. In fact, Connor and I were finally forming a deep attachment/bond with one another. Trust was growing and our home had become a safe, happy, peaceful, fun place again.

However, these behaviors rearing their ugly heads has brought forth those emotions of insecurity, fear, doubt, and incompetence in me that I struggled with before. Our home has again become a war zone. We are fighting a spiritual battle dressed in little boy clothes. I hate it! I also don't want to end up back in that deep pit of depression God rescued me from not that long ago! I know I have the tools to prevent that but the fear is real for me. (If you've ever dealt with depression you can so understand me.)

I'd love to tell you that I have no problems loving my RAD child unconditionally. That would be a lie. I'd love to say that I am cool and calm in the face of his behaviors. That would be another lie. I'd love to say that his actions and words do not affect me but they do...deep, deep down they do. I'd love to say that I take my frustration and anger to God each time but I don't. I tend to wallow in it for too long. I'd love to say that I'm secure enough in my mothering skills that I know this is not my fault...but I'm not. I'd love to say that I'm looking ahead and know this is just another "season" and am prepared to walk thru it, but I. am. not!

I don't want to paint a picture of gloom and doom in our home. It is not. Yes, there are many, many moments in the day overshadowed by Connor's behaviors but just as many moments are filled with the abundance of love, laughter and good times. We WILL get through this. Our family WILL survive. Connor WILL be healed and used mightily for God's kingdom, we totally believe that's why satan is fighting so hard for him. 

Until then.....could you pray for me? For us? For our Family? For Connor? 

P.S. Connor will consume no more wheat nor dairy on our watch. He only had a small amount so honestly, we aren't sure if it's because of that these behaviors resurfaced or the fact that we had too much smooth sailing and needed to strengthen our spiritual muscles again. Here we so hoped we passed the test the first time that we wouldn't have to take this test again but I'm guessing that's not the case. LOL!  Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. 








Comments

Dana said…
I am def. praying for you guys. We started to see a little of Madi's old behaviors coming back up and I started to panic!! Thankfully, we think it was just due to her med levels changing. SO I can sympathize some!
Hopefully this encourages you... she is back to her bright happy (and calm) self. She had a few episodes when we were at the beach... but none since then!! For us the hurdle has been crossed... so hopefully your hurdle will be behind you before you know it!! :o)
Understand...praying.....feeling your pain! We have not done diet things, but we have experienced attachment issues- plenty. PRAYING!
Praying!!!!!!!!!

I hope it gets better by tomorrow!

I've recently placed one of the twins on gluten free diet. They are both pretty much diary free... it's an experiment. She has huge bowel health issues and I'm hoping for relief.
NeeCee said…
It could be the gluten mixed with all the excitement of the trip that triggered it. If we do anything "fun", it will trigger behaviors in Shane.

Hang tough, Momma, this too shall pass. Lifting you up in prayer.
Praying Lisa! My one son can take a BITE of something (w/o me knowing) and I can KNOW that he ate something just by his behavior. It can be THAT overwhelming to their systems. It know it's hard ... both the diet stuff and the RADish stuff... but stick to your "guns" and stay strict on the diet stuff... lots of water to flush it all out... and lots of prayer to reinstate the gift you had been given (some peace!).
Big hugs,
Kim
Debbie B said…
Just wanted you to know I have been praying and will continue. I hope things have gone back to the way they were during the good times.

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