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Friday, September 3, 2010

I have to shout it from the mountaintops....

This morning started like every other morning....the girls singing loudly from their room, Nolan snug in his bed snoring away, Samuel in bed beside me smiling up at me with the biggest grin and Connor making wrong choices. 


However, this morning will forever be etched in my brain. 
This morning something happened that I didn't believe was possible. 
This morning God showed up and showed off through...
my son.

Now most of you won't understand the significance of today because you (thankfully)
haven't had to journey the path we have been chosen to walk, but for those of you
who knows what it's like to parent these hurt children may this
inspire and encourage you.

If you have been following along for any length of time you will know that our journey with Connor has been hard!  Connor has been home with us 5 years now and honestly, we weren't seeing much growth in regards to his difficult behaviors. There were hope-filled days but mostly it was discouraging, depressing and  frustrating. Many, many times I questioned God about why us and how do we help him heal. I wanted to throw in the towel more times than I can count. My heart has been savagely broken over and over again by this little boy. He has never shown remorse for his actions.  Not. even. once. 
Until today!!!!!!!

As I spoke with him about what he had done and waited for his explanations (which are normally lies) I noticed his facial expressions seemed to express sadness and shame. He began explaining what he had done and why but I could tell he was ashamed by his actions. (This was HUGE! First he was telling me the truth and he showed sadness. Things foreign to Connor's way of life!)
 I was hesitant at first but then I felt God's voice whispering in my soul that ALL things were possible in Him. 
Even my son telling us the truth.
       Or that he could feel remorse for his disobedience.  
                  Or that he cried....real tears....repentant tears....heartfelt tears for once in his life.
Even if it took over 5 long, hard years of blood, sweat and tears.
God was not holding back His answer to our prayers, 
He was just allowing it to grow us closer to Him,
closer to one another.

God was not late....He was right on time.
 I of course, wished He would have came about 3 months into this journey but then I wouldn't be who I am now.
I wouldn't have needed to lay on my kitchen floor in the fetal position crying out to Him day after day knowing I couldn't do it without Him. 
 I would not have experienced the plunge so deep into depression that I was on the cusp of suicide which has taught me to never judge anyone because we don't know what they are walking through.
I would not have grown in compassion, mercy and grace because I wouldn't have experienced it like I have now.  

I don't for one minute think life will be a bowl of cherries from here on out just because Connor chose the right thing this morning. Of course not! But it did give me a glimmer of hope that my son is capable of healing. This was just a first of many firsts to come. I just know it!  
                                              People, my son is healing!!!!!!! 

I just got to shout it from the mountaintops! I just got to praise the One who is faithful even when I am not.
My son made a right choice today!!
My son made a right choice today!!
 My son made a right choice today!!!!!
:)  :)   :)


"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

OH WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! That is HUGE!!!!!

Celebrating with you.....and yes....A hard walk.....with the little one in your life....makes you grown in ways you never even knew existed!!!!

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dana T. said...

Okay, Lisa! THis is just what I needed to hear today. I had to laugh today, because as I am dealing with Tra' I thought.... Lisa would understand what today is like.
Sigh.... you've given me hope. We've had a day of lies, tantrums, "no", etc... Looking forward to a restored child in Christ Jesus!

Donna said...

Rejoicing with you, Lisa!! I can imagine exactly how you feel! Thanks for sharing the hope that God has given you!

Acceptance with Joy said...

YEAH! Awesome!

God bless the little guy and a special way for making the right choice today.

NeeCee said...

WooHoo!! I'm doing the dance of joy!! I KNOW how HUGE that is! Your son is beginning to heal and you can see it!! God is so great!

Melissa said...

I can say with the utmost truth that I hope we meet someday and just sit down and Pray!

Praise God for his undying love for us!

Peaceful wishes,

Lindy said...

HALLELUJAH, indeed!!! First time I've visited your blog. I will be back :) GOD IS PERFECT!

Dana said...

OH YAY JESUS!!! This is sooooo stinkin awesome!! I am so flippin excited for you and Connor!
With kids we have had before I got to the point where you think there is no hope for them. Even with Madi... I had visions of her living a life of devience... behind bars. We had a moment with Madi the first time she came to us and told us she did something wrong and felt bad about it. And its gotten better since. Not to say that there havent been more trying times since... but there is hope and a bright bright future there!!

Beth E. said...

Praise God! This is awesome, wonderful news. Thank you, Jesus!

Tina said...

God is good all the time!!! All the time God is good! Wonderful, thanks for sharing! May we all be like Conner and make the right decisions!!