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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Another Try...

My days start hard and fast around here. Let's just say there is one child who never fails to cause chaos and crisis first thing every morning. I don't get it really, why you would want to start your day off like this but apparently it's just part of his makeup, part of the trauma that has made him who he is. I guess he feels he has enough trauma drama for everyone so he graciously shares it with all of us. :) Anyhow, we have tried ev.er.y.th.ing, and I do mean everything to help stop this flow of junk but nothing has worked...yet. While stewing  thinking about this mornings drama I thought I'd have him write verses and was looking for just the right one when I felt prompted to have him read aloud Psalm 119. If you know anything about the Bible you know this is an extremely long chapter having 176 verses! As I sat across from this boy that stole my heart months before he ever was in my arms, a picture came to mind. It was the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross, bloodsoaked and in agony. He was looking directly at me. The words I was going to say to my son quickly died from my lips and instead I was filled with the realization again of what Christ did for me on the cross. I began sharing with my son that everytime we sin it's like we are hammering the nails into Jesus' hands or feet. When he chooses to lie instead of tell the truth it's like his little hands are pushing the crown of thorns deep into Jesus' flesh. It was then that I noticed it...a crack in his tough exterior. He had tears in his eyes. Oh good glory my heart thumped wildly in my chest. Oh Lord, please let me get through, please. This boy whom I have fought for, the boy that I can't understand, the boy that squeezes my heart with each disobedient act, this is the boy I love and will choose to walk beside even when the road is immeasurably hard. This boy who was listening, truly listening, and had tears in his eyes. I again repeated my words....when we choose to disobey, steal, lie and hurt we are choosing to pick up the hammer and hit those nails. I acted it out for him and added sound effects of what the agony and misery Jesus felt might sound like. Then I had him close his eyes and imagine the scene of the cross. I told him to imagine he was there, at the foot of the cross. Then I said today you had a choice. You chose to do the wrong thing so I want you to imagine picking up that hammer and hitting those nails. Of course I had him hit my hand with his fist and added the sound effects. His eyes were still closed but the wall around his heart must have crumbled just a bit because soon, this boy had tears coursing down his cheeks. His shoulders had a slight sag and he was trying desperately to not show that his heart had been touched. Then, this is what caused an avalanche of rocks to fall from his self-erected wall, I told him that no matter what he does Christ never leaves. That he is loved and safe. Then I reached out my hand and rubbed his back all the while saying Jesus will never leave you. He loves you. We will never leave you. We love you.
He got it!
I believe deep in the soul of this little boy, healing happened today. Not all of it, not by any means, but a little bit and every little bit helps! And honestly, I haven't had one ounce of trouble from this boy from that time until now. Trust me, that's a pretty hefty statement! LOL! I am not naive. I know that today hasn't caused instant heart change and tomorrow (or the next hour!) might find us where we usually are. But I know what I saw and I know God's word doesn't fail.
"Being confident of this,
that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 
Philippians 1:6 

And you know, really, that word picture wasn't just for my son. No, I felt my walls of frustration and anger tumble as I thought of my sins and the nail-pounding I do every day to my precious Lord. I pray that the next time I think about using my words to hurt, I will see the visual of me picking up that hammer and instead choose love, grace and mercy instead!

My son did read aloud Psalm 119 before he could eat breakfast. I had him read it aloud so he could speak it and hear it. There were several times when the words connected because I could hear the emotion in his voice. I pray those seeds of God's word will sink deep into his heart and cause a beautiful garden to bloom!!!!

5 comments:

Jenny said...

Praise the Lord!! I love it when we have God moments that penetrate the walls of our children. Often, as you said, whatever it is, works on me as well! Thanks for sharing!

-stephanie- said...

What an awesome testimony. Praise God!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Scripture holds so many truths and speaks to places in us we can't touch! PRAYING!!!!

Denise said...

This brought tears to my eyes. Our days usually start out the same way, and it's exhausting. My little guy loves the Lord and will pray and sing praise songs on his terms. But, when I've tried to talk to him about Jesus when he's in one of his moods, it's not been well received (to put it nicely!). Your story gives me hope! I'm so happy for you!
Love,
Denise

Debbie said...

What a great idea to have him read scripture in that moment. I'll have to remember that when we have readers.
What a blessing to watch him go through that and see his heart changing. Praying that some of the time he'll remember it before misbehaving.