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Monday, June 6, 2011

When God is tapping....

In the middle of the night when I awaken, during my quiet time with Him, as I watch my little ones play, as I watch my youngest asleep in my arms, God is tapping. At first it was just a tiny tap and although noticeable not anything that made me truly stop and take note. Lately however, the tapping has increased and honestly, it's become annoying. It penetrates my thoughts day and night and consumes most of my conversations with Sean.  It has made me stop and truly ponder, deeply, what He is trying to teach me. I won't lie, I've wrestled with it again and again and again. And yet, here I still am. Being one of His most distracted students, He needs to constantly help me to re-focus so that what He is saying sticks deep in my soul not just slip out of my mind.  I'm certain He's ready for me to learn these truths so we can move on to bigger (and harder!) things. LOL!

Over the course of the last couple of days the truth that has slowly been penetrating the deepest part of me found it's resting place in the soil of my heart. He is so gracious to me. 

My heart, tilled and ready, at just the right moment, He orchestrated an utter stranger (who is now a friend) to fertilize the long pondered truths and bring forth the tiniest of growth. This field is ripe for much fruit but I must stay diligent to remove the weeds before they overtake all the good that has been rooting firmly down into my heart. 

The process from planting to harvest is long and hard but oh the joy when the farmer sees those first tiny glimpses of growth peeking up through the soil. He knows the harvest will come in its' time. 

As we are closing in on the 6 year anniversary of Connor's "Gotcha Day" I can't help but think of the parallels between he and I. Different biology, different beginnings, different country but still struggling to attach, to firmly plant ourselves in this furrow that He has chosen for us. The plot has been tilled and re-tilled again, water has refreshed the dry areas, and fertilizer (grace) in great measures has been applied. Each time a wisp of new life has tried to push out into the light we celebrate and coax it to grow. Sometimes it does, sometimes not. Hope ebbs and flows much like waves upon the sand but still it never leaves entirely. There is always that seed, tiny as it may be, that exists right under the surface desperately pushing to break into the light. And when the time is right, just like the truth that He is germinating in me right now, it will burst forth. 

He is such a good and patient gardener.  I have much growing yet to do but am so very thankful for the deep roots He continues to fortify in me. Connor has much growing to do too and truthfully, I often focus on that part. But as the farmer looks at the new stalks of corn slowly climbing from the soil, he rejoices in what he sees....the life...and the fruit that will come later. I so want to be more like the farmer! 

As we stand back and survey our "crops" we drop to our knees in humble gratitude for all He has already done. Of course the growth is slow but it is happening. These "plants" come from seeds with defects and wounds that go into the depths of their core but with tender loving care and unwavering dedication tiny stalks are breaking free of the soil that encases them and pushing towards the glorious freedom that comes from being all God created them to be!! It is awe inspiring to see. It is humbling to kneel down in this dirt and get our hands dirty with the possibilities that lie just below the surface, hidden from our eyes, but seen by Him, known by Him, created by Him. 

The harvest will come. Just like He says. Hallelujah!!

"But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do His work and speak out for Him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference He made for you - from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted". 1st Peter 2:9 (The Message)

"...we can grow up healthy in God only as He nourishes us". Colossians 2:19 (The Message)

"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit." Galations 6:9 (The Message)