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Saturday, September 24, 2011

That dull ache...

I often have this dull ache in my heart that never fully goes away. Sometimes the ache is bearable and I can continue life as normal. Other days, the ache rages and makes me want to cry or scream or curl up in a fetal position. The ache pushes me into territory I am so not comfortable with. The ache awakens me at night and begs for me to do something to make the pain lessen. It often leaves me in tears and frustration because the ache is so big and diverse and painful and yet I am only one person, and really what can I, little ole' Lisa hope to do?!

Sometimes I'm consumed with grief as I think about all the orphans crying themselves to sleep another night, the young girls selling their bodies just so they can make enough money to eat, children with special needs languishing in their cribs in soiled diapers, those that have lost everything to floods or fires or hurricanes. It all seems so unfair, doesn't it?! I mean, here we are eating 3 meals a day, foods every color of the rainbow and clear fresh drinking water to boot while others try to eek out a living that consists of dry bread and dirty water. I sleep on a nice, comfortable bed while the young girl, a sexual slave, tries desperately to find a measure of comfort on the floor of some filthy apartment or shack. My children, handwoven by God with special needs, are comforted, loved and given hope while others, just an ocean away, haven't been touched or loved since their birth.

Sometimes that dull ache is hard to suppress, hard to ignore. That's when I do the one thing that matters more than any other thing I can conceive....I pray. With all that is within me I pray and beg God for justice and mercy and love for those that cause my aching. Sometimes I'm afraid it's not enough.  I do know what prayers have done for me in my life. When people tell me they are praying for me I feel hope rise within me. I know that these prayers have sustained me through some very tough times. I count on these prayers. I have to believe that somewhere in a pit of despair someone is barely holding on and my prayers, in that moment, help them to cling a bit longer. It doesn't remove my ache but it surely helps to ease it a bit because I am actively doing something to help. And I don't know about you but that's the only way I can live another day with this dull ache....


"Are These Kids All Yours?" said... of like you are in my head. So true and ME TOO!