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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

One more?

Kyalynn had been home about 9 months when the Tsunami hit. I can remember laying in bed and asking Sean how can we make a difference in this world? My heart was mourning over all those lost in the tsunami and for those left behind. God used our questions to breathe adoption into our hearts again. We could change one childs life! Honestly, just to journey down the road to adoption once was amazing! Such a God thing! Especially, if you consider our finances :) But to journey twice was exciting yet terrifying at the same time. We began searching for a girl close in age to Kyalynn. We looked at every waiting child photolisting we could find but had no luck. Everyone was adamant it HAD to be another girl. After a period of time we felt our hearts changing and began looking at the waiting boys. Two boys stood out to us and we asked for more info on them. Sean felt the one boy might be a good fit and they sent us a video tape of him. As we gathered around the TV to watch we knew he was the one. Even the boys kept saying "yep, he's looks like he fits here"! So began the next journey.

Connor was 2 1/2 years old when he came home. He just turned 5 in December. He and Kyalynn are only 1 month, 1 day apart in age. I'll admit we were pretty naive in thinking that his special needs would easily be fixed by one on one attention and love. It has been quite a ride with Connor! First, let me say that he has the most gorgeous smile, an easy laugh, can be pretty affectionate, and is ALL boy. He is ours totally and completely. He and our son Ryan are so much alike it's scary. LOL!
But let me also be transparent and say that parenting Connor is ummmm....challenging. I know parenting in general can be challenging but boy is this different! I'm not even sure where to start. LOL! He has come a long way in the 2 years he has been home and we rejoice in that and know that God will see him (and us) through. We totally believe God has big plans for this boy!

Since Connor came home though, I've seen things in myself I didn't realize were there before. Anger, impatience, selfishness, just to name a few. Although I don't like these things surfacing, at least now I know what areas I need to "get to the root of" and pull up. It's a slow go and I get discouraged at my turtles pace. I wish I could wave that proverbial magic wand and make the new and improved Lisa come forth. Especially after days like today! I tend to rely on my strength and then fall flat on my face because I am so weak. All in all, I am learning each day that God's mercies are new every morning (Hallelujah!) and that I can do all things thru Him (Phillipians 4:13). And my favorite promise "All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace." (Isaiah 54:13) Wow what reassurance that even in my failures, especially in my failures, God's got my back! What a relief for this mommy's heart tonight. Sweet dreams my precious treasures.